Banana Republicans & Kangaroo Reorgs

On January 16, 1865, in the last few months before the first republican President was

assassinated, one of Lincoln’s best-known commanders, General Sherman, issued Field

Order 15 to help newly freed slaves start a new life by redistributing 400,000 acres of

Democrat plantation land in what today is referred to as “40 acres and a mule,” an historic

moment for the newly minted Grand Old Party. Flash forward 159 years to a not-so-great

moment in GOP history, which will be remembered in Bucks County as “40 mules and a

headache.” To call the Reorganization meeting a dumpster fire would be an affront to

dumpster fires. To call it a “reorganization” meeting is Orwellian given that nothing really

was reorganized. War is peace. Ignorance is strength. Reorganization is the status quo.

Mules. Republican mules. I never thought I’d put those two words together. And those

mules had proxies. Loads of them. Ostensibly from Committeepeople who just couldn’t

make it to the one event on the calendar where the entire Bucks County GOP Committee

gathers every two years to reorganize. I’ve heard several more-seasoned members ‘tisk,

tisk’ those who don’t “put in the work” required of a Committeeperson. Seems to me that

door knocking, getting folks to register, and badgering (nicely!) low-propensity voters to

get their applications for mail-in ballots is a lot more demanding than spending a few

hours at the reorg meeting, hearing what the candidates for Officers of the Committee

have to say. I mean, hey, they fed us pastries! Easy peasy. Makes one wonder how many of

the proxies came from earnest, elected Committeepeople who had a family trip or other

valid conflict and how many came from the appointed, who are also giving their all. Well,

not their “all-all” but they have given their name and address, right?! Thank you for your

service! I can’t say that I blame the mules and their districts for doing this. ‘Thems the

rules’, right? Wait there are rules?

Turns out there are a bunch of rules, affectionately called “Bylaws” for the BCRC, with over

a dozen pages typed up on a magic word processor from 1972 and signed before word

processors even existed (but shut up. Ignorance is strength!) And magically wordprocessed

on those pages are eleven sacred Rules laying out super complex Articles that

only the wisest among us can ascertain their true meaning, because the words do not say

what you think they do. Oh, no, they do not. Only a mystic, or what we call “The

Parliamentarian”, can translate the hieroglyphs. But not just any Parliamentarian, but only

The One appointed by the County Chairman per Rule IV, Article 8, can decipher the cryptic

meanings of the words we plebiscites would not, could not understand. Kinda like how a

bunch of Democrat Supremes once found the right to an abortion in the penumbras of the

Constitution. The words are not there, per se, but ‘voila!’, with The Parliamentarian who

serves at the pleasure of the Chair presiding over her own reelection meeting, what could

possibly go wrong? Nothing went wrong, because The One found some bylaw penumbra

action!

What was all the hullabaloo about the bylaws anyway? On Saturday, I sat in front of a

couple of folks who obviously didn’t have time for ‘motions to question the interpretation

of the bylaws’. For them it was a bunch of “yada yada yada”. Based on their chatter it was

obvious to me they likely hadn’t read them, but, hey, don’t let ignorance get in the way of

having an opinion. A very strong and oddly visceral opinion. Who are these rebels and

why are they reading aloud these dusty bylaws? What exactly was this Obi-Wan-Sasse guy

trying to get over on the old Empire? Some sort of Jedi mind trick by putting us all to sleep

reading bylaws and making motions? Snooze-fest. Can’t we just vote and go home? I’ve got

a pickleball match this afternoon!

Well, my fellow GOP’ers, if I were to boil it down to what I think Tom was saying, it’s this:

1. The Executive Committee is made up of District Executives, Officers of the County

Committee and Ex-officio members. (Rule 1, Article 1, Section B)

2. Proxies are not permitted at meetings for the election of representatives to the

Executive Committee (Rule 5, Article 5 Section C)

3. Voting on election of representatives to the Executive Committee shall be by ballot.

(Rule 5, Article 6, Section B). An election of officers is NOT a “question” before the County

Committee. An example of a question would be like “Should we order DoorDash?”

4. Members of the County Committee shall be elected by the Republican electors… (Rule II,

Article 2) Therefore appointed Committee people are not part of the County Committee

and cannot participate in the election of Officers (Rule III, Article 2)

So in layman’s terms, elected Committeepeople are the only ones who can vote for the

Officers of the County Committee because Officers are part of the Executive Committee, a

group that can only be elected by way of ballot and never by proxy. No appointed

Committee votes allowed, and no proxy votes by anyone allowed for this reorganization.

Oh, and if you find a problem with that logic and the plain words of the bylaws, if we must

allow proxies, how about just two per person like the state bylaws stipulate? Actually

quite sane and quite simple.

But alas, The Parliamentarian who, again, serves at the pleasure of the incumbent Chair

presiding over her own reelection, er, I mean “question before the Committee”, waved his

hand over and over swatting the motions down like a seven-foot dude spiking the net on

the middle school girls volleyball team. WAP! Denied! WAP! Denied! THWAP! Denied! …

and just like that, the reorganization would be completed, with no reorganization as was

foretold.

My favorite reason given as to why the Officers weren’t part of the Executive Committee is

that they had not yet been elected to that role. So they were there as Officers presiding

over their own reelection and yet not there at all because after all, they didn’t even exist

yet. Like the paradox of Schrödinger’s cat. Or maybe in this case Schrödinger’s Pat? After

all, that was why we all were gathered there (well not all of us. See Mules & Proxies

above). We were summoned on the fourth Saturday in June to reelect the people sitting at

the long table in front of the room who were not yet elected to be sitting at the long table

in front of the room. Got it? Don’t believe your lying eyes! “Doublethink means the power

of holding two contradictory beliefs in one’s mind simultaneously, and accepting both of

them” - George Orwell, 1984

Therefore they, those who at the same time there and not yet there, would, of course,

allow proxies from anyone with a pulse (except those with a pulse who were written in

and not seated, but again, I digress), that storm troopers from across the Establishment

Empire could bring gobs of proxies despite the fact that State Bylaws allow only two

proxies (but there’s a letter somewhere, trust me, that says something or whatever), and

we would then hear or’ and or’ the repetition of those words like the staccato tap - tap -

tap of Darth Vader’s boot heels on the command deck of the reorg space ship as he strode

forth to ball his black gloved fist into a victory over the rebels:

“Proxy, Pat Poprik… Proxy, Pat Poprik… Proxy, Pat Poprik… Proxy, Pat Poprik… Proxy,

Pat…

It was done.

There was lots of yelling from both sides. Shout out to the guy on the right side of the

room who yelled “hey, asshole!” Classic Roberts Rules fan. Stay classy. Let’s get that guy

down to Philly to observe the 2024 count from twenty feet away because of “fill-in-theblank

with new pandemic excuse here”. His voice carries! Obviously passionate people

who feel an injustice from their own party after having endured injustice after injustice

from the Democrats and MSM (but, I repeat myself), for the last eight years can, at a

minimum, be understood if not forgiven for fuming a bit. I wish they hadn’t and I bet some

of them wish they hadn’t either. Humans do stupid sh#t. An apology is owed to both

parliamentarians for the conduct from both sides.

Let’s do better.

I would have liked to have seen the “other side” show some actual compromise towards

achieving unity by voting in one or more of the alternate slate candidates. A little check

and balance? We are, after all, ON THE SAME SIDE. It’s not like Pat would have Chucky or

Kamala as Vice. That would have been magnanimous and a real olive branch to help heal

wounds. But alas, that was not in the cards. The mules had their proxies, the Empire must

be saved, there would be no unifying moment to begin the healing. A real shame. Uniting

doesn’t mean “our way or the highway”. I am actually surprised that the Status Quo

Republicans didn’t even find an ounce of curiosity to listen to the real problems with the

bylaws as I fear they too have felt the gut punch of the injustice delivered to Conservatives

and those proclaiming to be for Trump. I wonder had they truly understood the

grievances laid out before the BCRC, what exactly would be their objection? Instead of

time-wasting roll calls, a ballot would have slashed hours off the process and eliminated

potential intimidation. Why the desire for voice vote?

(Side note the reason given for a voice vote was to inform our constituents of our vote and

yet they have never informed our constituents before that I can find a record of.) We don’t

do that in any of our other elections. Why disallow proxies for District elections but not for

Officers? All those proxies… remember how most of us showed up to vote in-person for

Trump in 2020?

Remember that sickening feeling when the “mail-in” ballots just kept coming and coming?

I am not implying the proxies were fraudulent. I am asking how our fellow Republicans

can stomach one but not the other. Not just stomach, but actually relish it.

So the “winners” will continue to yell “Unite behind us!” “Unite or we will surely fail this

time!” “You’re not uniting hard enough!” Got some news for you. We have failed as a

county party in the last election and the election before and the one before that for Trump.

That our coaches tell us, “Yeah, but the other teams around us are failing worse” is of little

comfort. We just fail less badly? A loss is a loss. Also, we aren’t competing with the other

counties’ GOP committees. I’m pretty sure we are fighting the Democrats, right? I support

our Officers. I hope that they learned from their past mistakes. I want them to be

successful. Successful in electing good, strong MAGA conservatives. I want them to open

up the bylaws for updating and to bring clarity so that we, as a united BCRC, will never

suffer through another Banana Republican and Kangaroo Reorg again. Return the power

to the elected Committeepeople. Be transparent. Make the BCRC an institution of

unimpeachable honor and a place we are ALL proud to call home.

Thank you.

Publius Jr.